09/14/12 Depression Sucks, But It Doesn’t Have To Be The End

Cat, with its mouth open

Cat, with its mouth open (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello everyone. The summer brought a lawn that I nicknamed Tumbleweed Connection and a drought in my blog. My writing vibe was dry and dead. Inspiration seemed as elusive as fitting into size 12 jeans… just not happening!

I wondered what it would feel like if I were to write a meaninful blog sharing insights into a life pursuing a relationship with God and then I realized I don’t even know what that looks like. Who can define such a relationship? Isn’t it rather relative, a matter of perspective? For some, it could be the ‘twice-a-year-letting-your-backside-hit-a-church-pew’ (Christmas and Easter). For others, it’s prayer 24/7. For a few, it’s talking to God throughout the day about all matters great and small.

I fall into the third category. It doesn’t make my way any better or worse than the rest of the world. It just makes it my way.

What if I measure it by how happy I am? I don’t think that would work either. I’ve had the summer from hell. A very bad bout of depression that isn’t quite over yet. Something about a dark night of the soul comes to mind.

Depression is so hard to explain to a person who’s never had it. It’s having every blessing you could ever hope for, yet you still feel on the verge of tears and ready to walk away from everything, crawl into a cave and hope there’s a landslide, so that the opening to said cave would be covered up and you could hide endlessly from humanity.

It’s looking in the mirror and wondering about God’s sense of humor in making a mutt like you, while looking at others and feeling sure they have all the answers. You’re the only one who could possibly be this stupid. You trudge along and try to get through the episode. Part of you wouldn’t care if you didn’t.

Then something happens, it can be miniscule or gargantuan, the happening is different everytime. Maybe it’s hearing a dear friend is really sick or an acquaintance has lost a longtime job and may lose their house. Or maybe it’s when you’re delivering the newspaper with your son and you make the acquaintance of a cat, an adorable feline who wants… DEMANDS your attention… you give her fifteen minutes of cuddles and then when you try to leave, she proceeds to put her teeth in your leg. For whatever reason, this doesn’t even phase you. You patiently have a conversation with this feline, explaining that this behavior isn’t cool, that if you’re going to hang out together, she must keep her teeth in her mouth and not on your leg… and you guess you’ll just have to come back next week and give her some etiquette lessons. The whole time, she sits there gazing at you like she’s actually listening! You walk away feeling a little bit lighter and smiling, not really sure why, but life seems a little better, suddenly.

In that moment, I talk to God; laughing about the absurdity of speaking to a cat as if it understands me, wondering how many people saw this daffy woman …. being who she is… and suddenly life doesn’t seem so bad.

I bet the prayers of friends might have had something to do with it. Maybe God knows better than anyone what the best way is to reach your hurting heart. It might be crazy as heck to everyone else, but it works for you. 

Maybe you can pass the blessing on and pray for someone else having a bad day/month/year/life. Maybe, just for today, the depression doesn’t win, God seems a little closer and you have a smidgen of insight into why you’re here.

To straighten out cats with wayward teeth!

Abundant blessings to you. 🙂


8 thoughts on “09/14/12 Depression Sucks, But It Doesn’t Have To Be The End

  1. Sue you are an awesome person and writer. It’s nice to know we are all a little f***** up isn’t it. Keep on writing not only do does it help me it has to do wonders for your soul.. love ya

    • Thanks Ryan and Tracy. I spent hours talking with an old friend last night about life and some of that seeped into this post. Tracy, you’re right, whenever I write, life doesn’t seem to difficult or whatever the problem is doesn’t seem so impossible.

    • Thank you so much! Your words are really kind and very appreciated. 🙂 The cat was an enjoyable kitty, I saw it yesterday when I was driving along that street, and waved at it, as if it could wave back! I think I am hopelessly daffy when it comes to animals!

  2. Sue,
    I ve battled depression for years due to things that I went through in my childhood in India so I can relate. I know what you’re going through & believe me, you WILL get through this! Our Gos is an awesome God…He will not leave you in that pit. May I suggest a book that helped me more than a counselor ever did? It’s called “Managing Your Emotions Instead Of Your Emotions Managing You” by Joyce Meyer. Reading that book changed my perspective & helped me so much. It’s an old book but you can find a copy on Amazon. Also, Psalm 91 is something along with prayer & support that helped me get through each day. Pursuing something I love to get away in a sense helped me too. For me that was photography. Lord Bless my friend. I promise, it does get easier because, I’m happy to say, I no longer am depressed or anxious! Praise God! You are not alone…

    • Do you know, I read Psalm 91 today in church, thinking about your recommendation. It was comforting. Isn’t it comforting to know the folks in the Bible close to God’s heart had struggles, makes us seem not so alone in our battle.
      I’ll look up the Joyce Meyer book, you’re right, Amazon is brilliant for finding old books (and cheaply too!)
      That’s wonderful that it no longer plagues you! I normally feel pretty managed, but I had a whole lot of unusual events happen this summer that added up to more than I could cope with. I may write about them in future blogs, now that my writing drought seems to have ended.
      I appreciate you stopping by. 🙂

      • I am so glad it comforted you…it has that effect 😉 Yes, that book helped me so much and I hope it’ll help you too! I never liked her preaching because her voice sounds like she’s mean haha but reading the book is different. It helped shed a lot of light behind the things that have affected me from my childhood and helped me move forward. Corny, but I must say it truly helped in changing my life…I’m finally truly happy. Don’t get me wrong, I do still have some anxiety but not as much and now I know how to deal with it. I know how it feels when just one thing happens after another. It’s overwhelming.

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